Supporting the Girls… A speech to women in May 2012

Supporting the girls…

By T. Myers

In April, I was lucky enough to go on adventure with 28 Lapinites to see a play in Christmas Valley. We left La Pine mid-afternoon and went over to the local CV watering hole for a cocktail before we went up to North Lake High School for the dinner and performance.

While enjoying a Long Island Ice Tea,

  1. 1 part vodka
    1 part tequila
    1 part rum
    1 part gin
    1 part triple sec
    1 1/2 parts sweet and sour mix
    1 splash Coca-Cola®

I sat with a few of La Pine’s finest ladies, whom I think fit the bill of being the Cat’s Meow! We visited about this and that, and as usual when I drink, my mind fills my mouth with what ever thought crosses my mind and we ended up having a very serious discussion about breasts!

Now this was not your typical stop breast cancer awareness chat, it was more along the lines of recognizing the fact that we always have breasts to start with and while we meandered through the various topics we ended up with trying to name ours- or lack of them.

Laughing through the conversation, I thought that it really ended up giving new meaning to a night out with the girls!

I had such a funny time that night that I opened my drawer where I keep my bras and looked my sad little supporters over and decided that IT WAS TIME TO GO SHOPPING!

Those of you who were here last year know about how I love to shop. Spurred on by an email from my friend last spring I went after buying a new swimsuit for myself and ended up with a story to share. I must say that this year was even more enlightening and a greater learning experience than last year and I want to share it with you all- my closest lady friends in La Pine!

Bra Shopping 101.

Although it seems like a straightforward thing to do it is not an easy thing at all.

Why?

Because we all have our own attachment to our anatomy and depending on how we started out as young ladies with the first bra, we have continued through the years to give the “girls” the support they need and find the right bra to do the job.

I looked over a group of young students recently and noticed that young ladies are very young when they try out their first training bra (aged six, seven and eight) and they are wearing the little triangles that mark the area of future growth for their young bodies. By the time a girl is a teen, she has been exposed to all kinds of media and movie ideas about intimate apparel for young women and has probably tried out everything from thongs to air bras, including athletic running bras and fancy little pantie sets that make her feel feminine.

Along with growing into adulthood comes the colorful undergarments of early womanhood and the fancy items made to entice a potential mate if exposed and then, there  are the drawers full of mom panties and bras that the girls wear out to school and change from in gym class because they are dumb looking. Bras are a mark of sophistication- for sure- and have very little to do with supporting the “girls” until a woman is pregnant with her first child and experiences the changes in breasts that we all have when we are preparing to use our breasts for what they are actually made for.

The stages we go through after that make it difficult to buy new bras because we really need to be fit again each time our bodies change:

1st baby

2nd baby and so on

Weight gain

Aging

Breast cancer/ Mastectomy and surgeries

Old lady boobs

Others?

So what happens when you are a woman of my age and physical proportions and you go to your meager collection of support possibilities and end up on the short end of the stick? Actually, what happens to any of us, any time when it comes to going shopping for a bra? I know that I am not the only one who is terror filled by the prospect. I even know women who layer their clothes (YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT) rather than face shopping for new bras!

When there is no choice-you go shopping – of course….

But I must say that it is not just going into the Penney’s store and picking up a boxed Playtex bra you think it will work!

In order to buy a bra that fits, you need to go through a few steps (according to the bra fitters at Victoria’s Secret):

  1. You are forced to really look at yourself in the mirror. Naked- hopefully alone without the sales lady there beside you ready with a tape measure.
  2. You need to measure around your chest under the bra line. ___
  3. You need to measure the widest part of your chest over the bust line and then calculate the difference to determine cup size. _____-______= ___ (each inch is a cup size starting with AAA. AA. A. B.C.D. DD.DDD and so on.)
  4. You need to look in the mirror to determine the set of the way your breasts are hanging: straight, inward, outward, etc.
  5. You need to determine whether you have a wide space between- or cleavage- and address that in finding the appropriate style. Nothing is worse than a skinny woman with a low cut dress exposing what she thinks is sexy cleavage and it turns out to be a flat breastbone!
  6. You need to consider padding, blow up options, under wires, width of bra straps, padded bra straps and whether the bra will be worn under smooth or textured clothing so that rumples do not show. Then decide if you are going to wear it on a date, or to a secret assignation, maybe a work out, or just to do laundry, etc.
  7. Oh, Oh, Oh! And don’t forget about closures, either. A front closure is very easy to put on, but they don’t last very long before they break and then what do you do with a great bra that can’t fasten. The Back closures are normal, but there is a secret to those, too. One bangers are for little boobs and four bangers are for serious support. Buying a bra when you are built like me is a four banger minimum. If they had five hooks, it would be ideal.
  8. Color is important, too. Every woman needs a blush or beige bra, a white bra and a black bra for dark clothes.
  9. Consider whether age has you buying white cotton undies in packages of five or more at the Wal*Mart and comfortable cotton bras in white, or are you still perky enough to get a racy little under thing for yourself in honor of “remembrance of the sex life you used to have”?

With all of these things to consider, I took to the shopping circuit with a notepad in hand and white knuckled it all the way into Bend- By the way if you want to buy a bra in La Pine you are SOL….

Anyway the usual suspects were Macy’s ,Victoria’s Secret, Penney’s, Lane Bryant, Pretty Pussycat, Leggs’ Outlet Store, Wal*Mart, Ross and the phonebook yellow pages!

Forearmed with my knowledge of what would/could happen, I hit the stores with a new credit card and the desire to get a nice white, beige and black bra for myself.

The measuring thing was going to be a problem. When I let the girls out they point to the floor like pancakes with blips on them so that the under measurement is actually the same size as the measurement over the top of what would be the widest measurement if I rolled them up and stuffed them into place. Then there is the consideration for side fat (escaping boob syndrome), muffin tops and back rumples.

I also needed to find a bra that I could reach into in order to adjust the girls so the nipples would be centrally located in the middle of the bra cup instead of tucked underneath the cup- although it would create a smoother look and not require nipple warmers or Band-Aids to block the headlight reaction during cold or exciting times! Cuz, honey, I ain’t no triple AAA! -If you know what I mean. I am more like a 44 magnum!

At Penney’s I went to “the wall” and looked at the pretty offerings and then off to the dressing rooms to try a few, I found a couple. Same at Macy’s, I found a couple more. Victoria’s Secret ladies were helpful, but not able to produce a bra from their stock that would work for me and I was told, You can go online for the ‘special sizes’.”  I bought some perfume and lotion and left. At the Pussycat, I found lots of enticing things to buy in XXX and big big big. (Now I will have to find a special fella’ so I can use them sometime, but since I am a NONE, it might be difficult…..)

I went to Wal*Mart and found the usual packages of white and wonderful cottons, so I picked up a few panties and a couple of bras.

By this point I was swimming in which brands that would work- Olga and Bali and Playtex bras and I wanted to look at Ross for a giggle, so I headed over there for a quick peek.

OMG!

Bonanza! There were all kinds of brand names. Bras were hanging on the racks in my sizes and there were even fancy pants to go with them! I filled the cart before I had a chance to think about it and headed up front to purchase my finds. With my shopping excursion complete,  my credit card reaching new limits of purchasing power, I headed home to La Pine, after stopping to catch my breath at SONIC’s afternoon 2 for one drink-a thon.

When I pulled into the driveway at my house, I took out my purchases and laid them out on my bed. I ended up with some amazing bras, in great colors and wonderful styles, but more importantly, I had spared myself the indignity of the FITTINGS I normally went through.

As I put each purchase to the test, I noticed how much better I looked when the ‘girls’ were up in place! Supported, as it were! It took forever to try each one on and admire it in the mirror. Finally, everyone had been proven a winner in one category or the other and I could relax! I took one more look to be sure. As soon as I was finished really examining the new bras, I took off the last new one and grabbed one of my old tried and true worn out softies and slipped on a T-Shirt and soft pants to relax for the rest of the day!

With a sigh of relief, “I know that I am ready…”

So…….now when I get dressed for an event I can put my best foot forward with a new bra that “supports the girls” appropriately and lets me know the true meaning of a great night out with the girls!

 


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